I think I am becoming too grouchy. Is this part of the “maturing” process that seniors go through? You never stop learning and growing. At least that’s what we are told. I guess that along with the gray hair and the wisdom of age your grouchy gene kicks in. I notice it sometimes with the younger crowd. When I was a younger man I made a promise to myself that I would always be an understanding old man, who remembered what it was like to be young and stupid. See. I just did it right there. Back when I was making this promise to myself it was, “young and adventurous”, or “young and gregarious”, not “young and stupid”. It’s the grouchiness creeping in.
I am also way crankier about political issues. I am a liberal and that’s not going to change. I have dear friends and a whole passel of relatives who are conservatives. I have seen the divisive nature of getting on the opposing side of an argument in my own family and how destructive it can be for a community or a nation. That’s why I will not be espousing any ideologies here. I have learned my lesson. I do not discuss politics with anyone I care about. I limit my political agenda to yelling at the TV set during “Meet the Press” and blocking Fox News from ever being viewed on any TV that I own. See the crankiness here?
Being a grouch comes and goes with the kids and the grandkids, but there is one place where it seems to have really set in on a permanent, full time basis; when I am in my car. When I was younger, I just navigated the highways and byways with good eyes, good reflexes and was very tolerant of slow and indecisive motorists. I could always see a way around them and there was no challenge to getting where I wanted to go. It was, in hindsight, sort of like an arcade game that I was really good at; there was no competition. Now, it is still somewhat like a game, but it’s more like survival, and I am vastly more competitive.
I would be lying if I said I never get frustrated, or even a teensy bit angry behind the wheel. I yell out loud all the time when someone driving near me, usually in front of me, makes what I consider to be unusually stupid or inconsiderate driving maneuvers. I don’t consider this road rage. I consider this to be normal, responsible, venting in the moment, vehicle operation. Usually these verbal outbursts take the form of aggressive encouragement, like, “Come on!!! Move already!!!” I rarely become so incensed that I curse, or wish I carried a pistol. (Does a fantasy that I have turret guns mounted on the hood count?)
Yelling inside the confines of your own vehicle is harmless enough. I sometimes give way to that competitive side in some certain circumstances. It’s when a BMW or the like swoops up behind me and flashes its lights, wanting me to pull over and let it by, when I am already behind a string of other cars. Are we all supposed to simultaneously change lanes and let the Arrogant Ass in the Beamer just speed by? Uh, no; not gonna happen. For me, the gauntlet has just been flung at my feet. I will take extraordinary measures to make sure the AA in the BM doesn’t get around me until I exit the freeway. It gives me huge satisfaction to see the arm waving and finger pointing in my rear view mirror. That’s not cranky, that’s just good, clean fun.
Usually, my frustration is the slow driver, which in California is the driver going the speed limit, in the fast lane. Everyone knows that the fast lane is for those wishing to go a minimum of 10 mph over the speed limit. Speed limit followers should stay two lanes away from the fast lane. I know this will probably offend half of my readers, but I am not a fan of the SUV. I know they have their function in the transportation of a larger group of passengers, and oh yes, you will probably survive a crash and the person in the Prius who crashed into you may not; but do you realize how frustrating it is to be in a normal sedan or a hot little hatchback, stuck behind your gas-guzzling behemoth ass? We can’t see through you or around you; you blot out the freaking sun!
When I am behind you I always cut some slack if there is a full passenger load. You are being greener than I am at that point. It’s these giant Suburban’s driven by a 110 pound woman on her way to the store to get a head of lettuce that I am less willing to let slide. If you can afford a Humvee, you can afford to get a Kia or a Smart for those short pops to the store. You use more gas just backing out of the driveway in your SUV than the whole trip would use in the 4 stroker. Uh oh. There I go again; getting grouchy again. It’s your money; you can spend it however you want. This is a free country after all. Who died and made me director of energy, right?
So, I am not really a road rage type of guy. I yell a little, but who doesn’t? I may be more of a parking lot rage kind of guy. I actually have printed up little notes that I carry in my glove compartment to place on the windshield of careless parkers. You know the kind of parking I am talking about, right? It’s where the person parks with a wheel over the line, or parks with a wheel or two on top of the line. There are no parking police for this. They are all too busy cruising the metered spots and the 20 minute parking only spaces. That’s why I carry my little homemade notes. I am not the parking police. I am the phantom parking conscience and I can strike anywhere.
Where I work there are three different sizes of parking slots; Jumbo for the carpoolers (and they are designated as such with a big green circle painted in the slot), regular size slots (with no designation), and tiny slots (with “compact” stenciled on them). Invariably there will be vans, SUV’s and double cab, dual axle pickups parked in some of the compact spots. What’s up with that? I know we have a very diverse work force with folks from every country on the globe, but I am pretty sure we all know what “compact” means. But really, it’s not even those big pegs using small holes that gets me cranky, because if you need to get to work and there are only compact spots let, what’s a person supposed to do? Park on the street?
And, I have no problem with people who carry at least one passenger to and from work having those big, wide spaces reserved for them. And, it doesn’t matter what size car you have if you are a car pooler, you get to use those humongous spaces to park your Civic as long as you carry a passenger. And, it isn’t just that the space is jumbo, the lines between the spaces are outlines of a line, so they are triple the size of a regular line! And, if you arrive at work after 10AM, you are allowed to use the carpool spaces. It’s cool. I support the carpoolers getting all that space. My problem remains to be people not knowing how to park; or really, not giving a crap that other people have to park there too.
Here you have a larger than usual parking space with a mini-van in it, with both left wheels on the line. I mean, really? You could park it in the center of the spot and have 3 feet on both sides from your car to the line, but you can’t manage to stay off the line?!? So, if I was to park there, I have to risk the door ding because you suck at parking? My blood pressure starts to go up when I see vehicles parked like this even if I am not trying to park in the adjacent space. It’s like, WTF, where did you learn to park? Are you from this planet? Didn’t your mother teach you about courtesy and kindness to your fellow man? Really!
Yep. I am wayyyyy too grumpy. I really need to work on it; and I will. I am still going to pass out my little notes though.
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